The Cullen Tales
by MoonsilverTwilight
Summary: A collection of Twilight oneshots that are totally random. Includes: AU, AH, AV, and anything else you can think of. Ratings will range, but will all be from K-T. Please read, and review!
1. Author's Note

Insanely long Author's Note before the stories (yeah, that's right, plural

Insanely long Author's Note before the stories (yeah, that's right, plural! Lol) start:

Okay, I know that I really should be updating my other stories, but this is just something that I wanted to post for the future... you'll get it as you read on. Okay, I've decided that posting up a new story every time I want to write a one shot is like, wasting space. Don't ask why, my weird brain just works that way. So, basically, every time I want to write a story that's really, really short (also known as a short story to the rest of the world, or a one-shot) I'm going to post it here. I know this is only an author's note, but I promise to make a minimal of these in the future. Actually, I think this is my only author's note so far on a separate page/chapter, or whatever you want to call it.

Each page will have a title, but it's not the chapter title, it's the story title. Please keep that in mind. These stories will probably have NOTHING to do with each other, and although I do enjoy reading reviews, I don't want to sit there and read ten reviews asking me why one chapter has nothing to do with the next. Kapiche? (Okay I have no idea whether or not that's how you spell that word, but that's beyond the point) Some chapters may have similar plots if I can't think up a new idea for a story, but want to post just because, you know? Okay, so you probably don't know, but anyway, yeah.

Man, have I GOT to stop inserting the word anyway into a sentence randomly, and have an awkward silence after. Ooh shiny! Yeah. So, each story's going to have a separate summary at the top of it, so if you're too lazy to read a story, (in which case I do not understand why you're on fan fiction) and you think that you won't like my story –cries— there's going to be a short—one paragraph—summary at the top. Repeat: SUMMARY AT TOP. The first paragraph of any given page after this in this 'story' is not actually a part of it. Again, kapiche?

I guess that's all you really need to know about this. First one-shot will be up soon. By the way, Jacob Black and the Rubber Duck, my first one-shot is not here, and never will be unless someone requests it, which I doubt you will because umm... click away? So, yeah.

Again, forgot to mention (gosh, I'm doing that a lot lately, am I getting old, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Carry on) this, uh, thing, is unnamed, so far, so if anyone has any suggestions to what this collection should be called, please let me know. 'Collection of Twilight One shots' has already been thought up by the author, and said author decided that was lame, so please do not suggest something like that.

If you are someone who came to read this later on, and was too lazy too read the above AUTHOR'S NOTE: you can 1) go back and read it!! Ding, ding, ding, we don't have a winner. Anyway, you can either go do that, or you can read the following writing which shall be in bold: **THIS IS A COLLECTION OF ONESHOTS; SUMMARY OF EACH IS AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE, TITLE IS OF STORY, NOT CHAPTER!! **Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, something in between, or well... something else, though I think that includes everybody, thank you for reading the totally insanely long (at least in my opinion it is super long, but whatever) author's note. Have a nice day, yadda, yadda, yadda. Bye-bye! Oh, and forgot to mention it, but **PLEASE REVIEW!** (Though not necessarily for this, um, yeah)

MoonsilverTwilight


	2. The Cullens In Kindergarten!

Author's Note: Okay, I'm sorry for so much delay

**Author's Note: Okay, I'm sorry for so much delay. I know I promised that I would have this story up soon, but the one that I was originally going to post was too long to be considered a one-shot, really... it took about twenty pages. So I now came up with a new idea, and am working like shit to get it posted as soon as possible. It'd be helpful if you guys can give me some ideas for the next 'stories'. It won't take long to write these because they'll be fairly short, but my brain is fresh out of plots and things. **

**This fan fic will be an all human story. First day of kindergarten!! Edward, Bella, and Alice are in JK (Junior Kindergarten, and if that doesn't make any sense to you, they're four years old), and Jasper, and Rose are in SK (Senior Kindergarten... and it probably won't take a lot of brains to figure out that they're five) and Emmett's in grade one. Everything takes place in Phoenix.**

**THE CULLENS IN KINDERGARTEN!!**

**BPOV**

"Mommy, I don't wanna go to kindergarten!" I whined.

I already knew that it was going to be very scary, and I bet all the other kids are going to call me ugly or something. I don't wanna be called ugly, and I don't want them to call me stupid either. I wanted to stay at home, with Mommy, or go play at Jacob's house. Jacob is my best friend and he's lucky. He doesn't have to start kindergarten for a whole year! And even when he does, he's going to a different school from me; because his mommy couldn't afford the place that I'm going to, because it's a private school. **(I don't know whether or not you have to pay for kindergarten, but let's just say you do because I can't have Jacob hanging out with Bella all the time. If they do, well, then, yay!) **Mommy said that I didn't have to go to preschool because I didn't have any friends, and I didn't know any of the other kids, but I had to go to kindergarten because you actually learn stuff there.

"Bella, honey, don't worry," said Mama. She was trying to trick me to make me less scared, but I wasn't going to fall for it!

"But Mommy, there's going to be lots of new kids, and they're all going to make fun of me! I'm scared!" I cried, a few tears falling down my cheeks.

Mama bent down, and wiped away the tears with her finger, and shushed me, then pushed me towards the school. I grabbed onto Mama's leg, and I didn't let go. I don't want Mommy to leave! Couldn't she stay with me? I heard Jacob say that one of his friends' mommies stayed with him at kindergarten all day, so that he wouldn't be scared. Why can't my mommy do that? Mommy was a meanie! She told me to be quiet while she spoke to the teacher, Ms. Hall.

Ms. Hall looked nice. She had reddish hair that was tied up in a ponytail just like mine was yesterday, and she had lots of freckles, just like my baby cousin Leo. She was not as tall as Mommy though, and she was wearing a blue shirt with khaki shorts. She was wearing a sweater even though it was kinda hot. She smiled at me a lot, but I still didn't want to let Mommy go. They talked a lot. I didn't listen to what they were saying because I was too busy looking at the lady bug that was crawling over a stone.

"Okay, Bells. I'm leaving now," Mommy said, waving to me. "The day will be over before you know it."

I tried to run after Mommy but she wouldn't let me. Another tear fell from my eye, and I wiped it away with a dirty finger. Now what am I supposed to do? Ms. Hall told me to follow her, so I did because Mommy wasn't coming back. Maybe I could find somebody to play with. My short little braids were bouncing up and down as I walked, and I wanted to pull them down but Mommy had taken twenty minutes to do up them this morning. I was wearing my favourite pair of jeans with a purple shirt with a butterfly made out of little plastic beads on top. My sneakers were new so they squeaked whenever I walked on something that was wet.

I saw a girl who was even shorter than I was playing dress up in a corner. She was very pretty, and she had short black hair. I asked Ms. Hall if I could go play with her, and she said yes, as long as I came back when it was story reading time. I skipped up to the little girl. I wonder why she's littler than I am, but I was four, and you can't go to kindergarten until you're four. That means that she's just littler, but not younger than I am.

"Hi! I'm Bella," I told her.

"I'm Alice," she answered, "Do you wanna play dress up with me? I'm going to be a princess!" She had a dress from the box in her hand. It was pink and it had sparkly things on it. There was a big bow on the back. It was a bit too big for Alice, and it almost touches the floor even though it's supposed to go to your knee. She also had funny shoes with a really tall thing on the heel. It looked like the high heels that Mommy sometimes wore, but it was clear and had little pieces of colored things inside of it.

"Okay," I said, and reached for the dress up box. I pulled out a cowgirl hat. Just then, a boy with bronze hair came running past us really fast. **(Remember that she's four and her grammar basically... sucks)**

"Bet you can't catch me!" he said, running away from another tall boy with blond hair.

The blond boy almost knocked me over when he ran past me, so I had to yell at him to say sorry, because that's what Mommy does whenever I do something bad.

"That's Jasper," Alice said in a dreamy voice. "I'm going to marry him someday."

I nodded. Mommy and Daddy used to be married but now they're not. They have something called a divorce. I think it's when they don't live together anymore and only one of them can take me to school, and the other one lives far, far away.

"What about the other guy?" I asked.

"That's Edward. He's my brother, and he's adopted," she answered.

"What does adopted mean?" I questioned.

"It means that his mommy isn't my mommy, and his daddy isn't my daddy either, but we've all got to be nice to him because his mommy and daddy are dead and he has no where else to go, so we have to call him our brother," she said, all in one breath.

I knew what dead means, because my grandpa was dead. He was really old and he had a heart attack. I wondered how Edward's mommy and daddy died. Maybe they had heart attacks too? I didn't know what a heart attack was except that it was bad.

"I also have another adopted brother, and his name is Emmett," Alice said. "He's two years older than me. His mommy and daddy aren't dead but they don't want him no more. My mommy felt sorry for him because no one wanted him, so now he's my brother too."

"Your mommy sounds nice," I commented.

"Oh, she is! And she makes the best brownies. She packed me one for snack time. I can share it with you!" I knew at that moment that Alice was going to be a very good friend.

I was about to say something, when Edward came running past us again. Except this time, Jasper caught him. "You're it! You're it!" he shouted, but Edward didn't chase after his friend. Instead he just looked at me, and sat down. I was about to tell him that it's rude to stare, when he asked me what my name was.

"This is Bella," Alice told him. He looked really pretty, for a boy. His eyelashes were really long, and his eyes were the colour of the emerald that Mommy got for Christmas from her aunty. His skin was really pale, like mine, 'cept even paler.

"You're pretty," he said.

"Ooh, someone's in love!" Alice said. I didn't know what love is except that mommy and daddy don't love each other anymore. I think I loved Edward too, but I wasn't sure because I didn't know what love is.

"You wanna play with us?" he asked.

"You want to play with a girl?" Jasper asked, sticking out his tongue, "She might have cooties!" **(lol the cootie stage... poor kindergarten and first grade teachers!)**

"You're not supposed to be mean to my new friend!" Alice said, defending me. "If she wants to play, she can play. I'll play too!"

"Fine," Jasper grumbled.

I didn't answer yet, so I accepted. Edward was it now, so I ran away as fast as I could. But then he caught me, and we both ended up falling because I tripped. I somehow ended up sitting on his lap, and I blushed, getting up.

Edward didn't move, or say that I was it. In fact, he just sat there, and stared at me. Then the teacher told us that it was story time, so we were supposed to sit on the carpet. Edward asked me to sit beside him, so I did. The teacher read us Gingerbread Man. I liked this story a lot, because the gingerbread man was funny.

At nap time, Edward pulled his mat and blanket towards me so that we could be beside each other and talk if we weren't sleepy. However, I fell asleep just like everyone else so we didn't get to talk at all. When Mommy picked me up from kindergarten, I told her that I had fun, just like she said, and I met a girl name Alice and two boys named Jasper, and Edward. Mommy hugged me, and we went home.

_THE END OF THE YEAR_

I was going to miss Edward and Alice so much! Jasper too, but we didn't really talk a lot. Emmett was funny, though we rarely saw him because he was in first grade and we were only kindergarteners. Rosalie was nice sometimes, but sometimes she was mean, so I can't really say that I'm going to miss her. I hugged everyone goodbye, but then as I got to Edward, he grabbed me and kissed me, on the lips!

"Something to remember me by," he said sadly. I was surprised, but glad at the same time, because Mommy said that you can kiss the people that you love, and now I most certainly knew that I loved Edward.

I already couldn't wait for next year to start. Summer was a whole two months, and I wouldn't get to play with them for all of summer, because we don't know where they live. Plus, even if we did, I still can't play with Edward because when Daddy called me sometimes, he says that I shouldn't play with boys. He says he doesn't mind Jacob, so I don't know why Daddy won't let me play with other boys.

Mommy came to pick me up from junior kindergarten for the last time. Next time, I'll be in senior kindergarten, and I'll be almost five! Even though I knew that I probably wouldn't see Edward for a long time, I tried to hope, so maybe I can be with him sooner.

_TWELVE__ YEARS LATER_

Edward was driving me home in his new Volvo that Carlisle and Esme had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday. The silence that used to be comfortable was now... well, uncomfortable. Sometimes, I just wanted to lean in and kiss him. It was hard not to just sit there, grab the collar of his shirt, and start making out. I guess it's not hard to figure out that I liked Edward, my childhood friend. A lot. It was more than just a crush. So instead of just sitting there, I decided to start a conversation.

"So, Edward..."

"Yes?" he asked, turning towards me. I knew better by now than to ask him to face the road. He could look at me and drive in a perfectly straight line. He could do almost anything without having to pay too close attention, and still have it be perfect. Lucky guy.

"I was just thinking of something," I said quietly. I wasn't sure if I should say this or not. But then, as I recalled the awkward silence from before, I decided to speak up. "Remember that last day of kindergarten?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"Oh yes," he answered, grinning. He seemed to notice that I was nervous somehow. "How can I ever forget the day that I gave away my first kiss?"

"Well... yeah. That's kind of what I'm getting at," I said, looking down.

"What is it?" he asked. He was my best friend, especially since Jacob moved away when I was twelve, and I could usually tell him anything. This particular 'thing' though, I wasn't so sure about sharing.

"Well... what if I told you that... I liked you? A-a lot?" I asked. I had put off saying this for at least a year, and I was not going to look back now. However, being scared of rejection, I wouldn't look at his face, for fear of him telling me that he didn't want to be friends anymore because he doesn't like me that way.

He took a deep breath, and I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. "Then I would've answered that I liked you too," he said, taking a hand off the steering wheel to make me look at him.

"You do?" I asked.

"Yep," he said.

"Really?" I had to confirm it.

"Really."

"For real?"

"For real."

"For real, for real?"

"Yes, for real, for real, Bella. And I wish you would stop making me do that, you're making me feel like a girl."

I ignored his last comment. He laughed, and looked towards the road. I could hardly keep my squeal in—it was practically causing me physical pain. I looked forward, at the road. Somehow, knowing that he liked me too gave me more confidence. I wasn't nervous, or scared anymore. The rest of the ride, which only lasted about ten minutes or so, wasn't awkward at all, and I'm glad I got to tell Edward how I felt about him.

When we got home, he opened my door of the Volvo for me, just like always. He was such a gentleman! Esme sure knew how to teach her kids. I was expecting the same as always—drop me off, open the door, leave, except this time; he leaned in and said, "I'm glad you finally found the nerves to say it."

I was glad too. He wrapped his arms around me. "I have waited forever to do this," he said. "I love you, Isabella Marie Swan." Then, he kissed me.

**Ending Author's Note: Okay, so that wasn't the best, but I couldn't exactly think of anything. I would've written that as an actually story-length fan fiction, but I don****'t think I'll have the time to.**

**And thank you for two people who reviewed before even the first chapter/story was up: LoverofEdward, and XxlirxX.**

**Thanks for reading!**** If possible, please tell me what another title for this collection can be! 'The Cullen Tales' just sounds so... for lack of a better word, neh. And lastly, please donate some of your ideas for future short stories like this!**

**MoonsilverTwilight**


	3. Cooking Classes With Emmett and Alice!

Author's Note: Okay, this is the second official story in this collection

**Author's Note: Okay, this is the second official story in this collection. ****Bella is still human, and the Cullens and Hales are vampires. This takes place around the time before the wedding. Have fun reading this! Personally, I like this idea better than the kindergarten one, though both sound kinda cliché. Sorry for the shortness, but I myself am not exactly an awesome cook so I can't really go into detail about anything. Also, I'm going to post this a day after the last chapter, so... well, I'm just trying to find an excuse for the length, I suppose. You should start reading now.**

**COOKING CLASSES WITH EMMETT AND ALICE**

**BPOV**

Edward and the rest of the Cullens and Hales, besides Emmett and Alice that is, had gone hunting. They had already been gone for a whole day, and he had insisted that I needed to be babysat. God, it's very annoying to have to be babysat at the age of eighteen, but I am trying to keep him happy these days. Since Emmett and Alice were the only ones home, they were supposed to 'keep me entertained' for the duration of my stay.

"Hey Bella?" That was Emmett. I could sense something bad, already.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I was just wondering... can you teach me to cook?" Whoa, THAT was not expected. Where had that come from? Was it really safe to teach them to cook? I decided no, and proceeded to try to talk him out of it.

"Why do you want to learn how to cook? You don't even eat food!" I said.

"Well, you taught Edward to cook, and he doesn't eat, does he?" Good point. Umm...

"Err... That's because he cooks for me." Yeah, great defense. In truth, I just didn't want to give Emmett an excuse to burn the house down.

"Did someone say cook?" Oh boy. Now Alice wants to learn how to cook. Why me?!

"How many times do I have to say this? You guys are vampires! You don't eat, therefore you don't cook!" Oops, I didn't mean to lash out at them. This was going to get me nowhere, and I knew I would have to give in. However, I had to get as much delay as I could.

"But... but..." said Alice, with such a sad expression on her face. It was so cute, and heartbreaking at the same time. Aww... man, I hate her puppy face sometimes—well, actually, all the time, but still. I just can't say no to a good puppy face. She just looked so sad, and about to cry, even though she wasn't exactly capable of the tears part.

"Aww... Alice! Fine! I'll teach you guys to cook," I grumbled. This was SO going to cost me. They cheered, and clapped their hands. "—BUT!! I am not responsible for trying the food... or for any damage to the kitchen!"

"Yay!" said Alice. I don't think she heard anything after the 'I'll teach you guys to cook.'

The next thing I knew, Alice was rushing up the stairs so fast that I couldn't see her at all, and a second later, she arrived in a chef's hat, a white chef's coat thing **(I don't know if there's an actual name for the thing, so let's just call it a 'while chef's coat thing)**, and an apron that reached past her knees that said 'Kiss the Chef.' Somehow, despite the goofy getup, she was able to pull it off. She handed each of us an apron, a hat, and a coat as well. However, my apron had a scarecrow pattern on it, and Emmett's had a cucumber and pumpkin design. Seeing Emmett in that outfit made me giggle.

"Just shut up," he groaned.

"Aww... don't be like that, Emmy! We all think it's cute!" Alice said, laughing. "Okay, so it does make you look kind of stupid, but—"

"—Okay, crew! Let's get started. Let's start with something easy... umm... homemade pizza!" It was the easiest thing that I could think of, besides cereal and toast, that is.

"Sure! Uh... how?" asked Emmett. What a genius response.

"Well, first we need to make some dough," I said. Opening the cupboard, I noticed that the only things in it were the pop tarts that I had been eating the last time I was here, and... a spider web with a dead fly on it. Gross! Alice and Emmett both looked at me sheepishly, and Alice also had the disgusted look on her face. Don't ask me how you can look sheepish and disgusted at the same time...

"Well, never mind that first instruction. I guess we'll have to make a trip to the grocery store first," I told them. Oh dear. "You guys know what to buy, right? I'm feeling kind of tired, and if I could just make a list of what you guys need..." I said, yawning, and it wasn't just for the effect. It was true that I was tired. I hadn't had a lot of sleep last night... or the night before that... or the night before that. Any who...

"Sure!" Alice said, practically bouncing up and down. She was way too enthusiastic, especially for something like a cooking lesson.

"Okay, umm... can I have some paper?" I asked them, "And a pen?"

"That, we have," said Emmett, beaming. Which was a really odd sight, believe me. He ran up the stairs, so fast that his figure was all but a blur. Not even three seconds later, he returned to me with some greeting card paper, and a Delta hotel pen. Good thing Emmett didn't start hopping up and down, or there might be a hole in the floor very soon. I just couldn't get why they were all so excited to make something they can't even taste.

"Okay... we'll need... hmm, let's just make a simple pizza. Cheese, pepperoni, pepper, mushrooms, pizza sauce, ooh, and maybe some pineapple," I said, jotting them down. I had found the stuff to make the dough out of in another cupboard, thank god.

Once I finished with my list, I handed it to Emmett, who held it as if it were his child—gently, and with care. Wow, that was weird. I raised an eyebrow in a questioning glance, but he didn't seem to notice. Figures. Soon, they were both out the door, and headed towards Emmett's jeep. I sighed, then lay down and turned on the TV, for a lack of something better to do. Sitting down on the couch, I curled up, ready for a short nap.

**APOV (where BPOV left off)**

I can't believe we're making pizza! The last time I had one was like, well... never. Oh well. I'm so excited! I knew Bella wouldn't want us to go overboard on the whole shopping for ingredients thing, but I couldn't help it. As soon as Emmett stopped the jeep, I threw the door open, and ran towards the entrance, attracting a few curious looks. Oh, screw those people. I was almost hopping on the spot as we entered the store.

"Okay, so we'll need..." I checked the list, committing the things written on it to memory. I recited the list out to Emmett, and soon we had one of those cart things and were 'running' through the store searching for the ingredients. Emmett, being so competitive, we had a scavenger hunt for the items on the list.

"This is going to be so much fun!" I exclaimed, as Emmett nodded. We were going to make the best pizza in the whole wide world!

**EmPOV**** (where APOV ends)**

For once, Alice had an excuse to be excited. We were making pizza! I can't wait to get back to the house, and start! When we had all of the food piled into the jeep, I began to notice that the pile was bigger than Bella.

"Alice, are you sure we're going to need all that?" I asked.

"Well, if we succeed in making our first pizza, I'm guessing we can try to make another one that's even better, and if we don't, we'll make more!" **(Pretend Alice can't tell whether or not they're screw up the pizza project)**

"Well, that makes sense," I said, nodding to myself, and helped her carry all of the food back into the house.

**BPOV (a little bit after EmPOV finishes off)**

I woke up shortly before they got back, and all I can say is... Holy. Crap! Did they buy the whole grocery store?! There were cheeses of every type and color, so much pepperoni that it was enough to gross me out (seriously, I was about to gag), can upon can of sauce... oh my god I think I almost fainted then and there! I should've known not to let Alice and Emmett go alone, but this is NOT what I had been expecting! All of this must've cost them at least three hundred dollars, when the end product would mostly end up in the garbage can! This is just... wow. And I'm not sure whether it's in the good way.

"Uh, guys, don't you think you went a little overboard?" I asked them. They both shook their heads. There was no point in further arguing; I'd tried.

"Okay, well, let's get started then!" I said, in as enthusiastic a voice as possible.

**ONE AND A HALF HOUR LATER (still in BPOV)**

This is a total disaster! I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this! Oh, Esme will kill me! Not only to we have slices of pepperoni all over the kitchen floor, threads of grated cheese stuck to all the walls, four pieces of pizza dough stuck to the ceiling, among other monstrosities that were too horrid to name, we still have not yet perfected a single pizza! Forget perfected, actually we had not yet been able to get a single edible pizza!

"Okay, guys, I understood that you've tried very hard, but this just isn't working out," I said, pleading with them to stop trying.

The best one that they had made had the shape of Emmett's face engraved into it, thanks to Alice, too much sauce, barely any cheese, and half of it burnt. And that was their BEST try. Don't even get me started on Pizza #14...

"Come on, Bells, please?" Emmett asked.

I decided that I was going to give them one more chance, but not with pizza. "Okay, people. We're going to make something difference. How about... um... a chocolate cake?"

"Okay!" Alice agreed.

I listed the ingredients for them again, and limited them to three of each thing, max. I was also going to accompany them to the thrift way this time, so that hopefully, the grocery store won't go out of business.

**TWENTY MINUTES LATER AND BACK AT HOME (STILL in BPOV)**

"Okay, so we have everything?" I asked. Of course, why do I even bother asking? I should've known that when I told them to buy only three of everything on the list, they bought exactly three of every ingredient on the list... in jumbo size!

We started making the cake, hopefully this time creating an edible piece of food. When we had finished the err... rather flat cake thing and stuck it into the oven, I decided to let Alice and Emmett watch some cooking shows, to pass the time. Of course, after being disgusted by some rather nasty looking escargot... **(No offence French people!) **That project had been given up on.

I suddenly had a feeling that I had forgotten something... Hmm... Charlie's dinner? In the fridge, check. Last minute wedding plans? Finished, check. Dirty laundry? Washed, dried, and folded, check. Good. Those were the only things that needed to be finished when I came here, so there shouldn't be anything left to do. I was probably just turning paranoid, and who can blame me?

**MEANWHILE!! EPOV**** (with some of that 'meanwhile music' that's like ZZZZZZZZZZZ or ding! or something like that)**

Something wasn't going right. I can feel it. It wasn't anything that had to do with Bella, because then I would know right away. Call it vampire intuition. I finished off draining the mountain lion, and turned to Esme, who had a dead deer to her lips.

"Esme?" I asked. She finished with the deer, and turned to me.

"Yes?" she asked, wiping off her hands on the nearby grass.

"I have a feeling that something's not going right, at home," I told her, voicing my worry.

"Then let's head back before it gets any worse," she said. Thank god for Esme.

We decided not to call everyone else, since I didn't think all of us were needed for what was happening. Everyone else continued with what they were doing, and we started the long run back to Forks.

**BPOV (leading on from where hers and EPOV left off)**

The cake actually turned out pretty good, but that feeling that something had gone wrong was still there. I didn't have time to worry though, because Edward and the rest of the guys would be home soon, and if Esme saw the kitchen—OH CRAP!

"Emmett, Alice! We have to clean up the kitchen, A.S.A.P.!" I shouted.

"We've still got at least an hour, don't see why you're freaking out," Emmett replied from the couch, where he and Alice were having an intense battle in some stupid video game.

Alice suddenly stood up. "Actually, no we don't," she said, a horrified look on her face.

That's when I heard the door starting to open. I knew it was too late, but I still rushed to the kitchen and started picking up all of the garbage. Alice and Emmett had caught on, and were helping me, but at a much faster pace. The door was opening, and I heard a voice.

"Edward, I don't see what you're so worried about, I mean, what could they have done?" came Esme's voice. Gulp. She doesn't want to know.

She was looking down as she walked inside, Edward right behind her. Our cleaning of the kitchen hadn't exactly done much... and thanks to the cake it was now also covered in a half inch deep layer of flour, sugar and chocolate sauce colored over the walls over the cheese... ugh, not a pretty sight. Alice's chef stuff was hanging off a lamp that I'm pretty sure was imported from a foreign country, and there was a dent on the dining table from where Emmett was attempting to knead the dough. This wasn't good.

Esme looked up, and saw us. And the mess. And since Esme wasn't one to yell, I was surprised to hear—"EMMETT!! ALICE!! WHAT DID YOU _DO?!_"

Dun, dun, dun.

**Lol, I figured that was a good way to end off. I know this story is really short—barely two thousand ****three hundred words, without the author's notes in between. I hoped you enjoyed it, though. I sure had fun writing it up. I wanted it to be up really fast, before I forgot what I was going to write. It actually came to me last night while I was sitting there memorizing Italian... and I was like, pizza! Then I got hungry... so I was all like, "I want some pizza!" That's when I imagined Emmett and Alice trying to make a pizza, and that's where the story comes from. Yeah. This author's note is getting way too long, so I'll just go now... Thanks for reading!**

**MoonsilverTwilight**


	4. The Cullens At The Zoo

THE CULLENS AT THE ZOO

**Author's Note: Yeah, it's been a while since I last updated. Sorry about that. I've been busy reading Breaking Dawn, and other fanfics and such. Also, since I ordered by the internet, I only got the host a couple of days ago. And really, I don't see why people keep dissing Breaking Dawn. So it was a little unexpected... isn't that a good thing? And I like the name Renesmee, so grr! Anyway, onwards with today's story.**

**The Cullens (excluding Bella) are vampires, and Charlie knows about it. There is no Renesmee, and Jacob is still somewhere in Canada. Post Eclipse. Can be after or before the wedding, it doesn't really make much of a difference.**

**THE CULLENS AT THE ZOO**

(a.k.a. Emmett and the Kangaroo)

**BPOV**

I cannot believe we're going to the zoo. We, being Edward, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Charlie and I. Rosalie and Esme had gone hunting, and were probably going to return sometime next week, as they had gone all the way up to northern Canada. Charlie had suggested it, saying that he had never gotten to take his little girl anywhere for a long time. Hello? Said little girl is eighteen years old, not to mention has an amazing boyfriend that has taken her to all the major attractions in the state of Washington, and even some in Florida. Besides, Charlie had never actually taken me anywhere but to La Push, and that was so that he could fish with Billy. But, now that I think about it, we had never gone to the zoo with the Cullens before. I wonder why that was. Did Edward have a severe allergy to monkeys or something? Maybe it was the rabbits. The snakes? Probably the donkeys. Do they have donkeys at zoos? Do vampires even have allergies? I pondered this as we drove towards the Seattle Zoo. **(If there isn't, let's pretend there's a zoo in Seattle, and if there is one, let's pretend it's called the Seattle Zoo, okay? Makes things much easier for the author of this story, plus, its summer vacation and I don't exactly feel like doing any research at the moment.) **

"Hey, Emmett," my dad said, "Do you know what Bella used to do when she was little?" He was chuckling already, before the story was even past his lips. Great, I thought. More 'let's humiliate Bella' stories. Ever since Charlie had found out about the Cullens' uh... vampire-ness, he had taken to swapping embarrassing stories starring the one and only Bella Swan with Emmett. Emmett, in turn, would tell him about all the stupid things I'd done since I'd met him. Like the time where they were playing baseball and I had insisted on playing (why, oh why, did I ever do that?) and crashed into a tree when trying to catch the ball. Then, I had to get rushed to the emergency room to get stitches on the side of my head. Sometimes I regret hanging out with the rest of the Cullens (namely, Emmett!).

I ignored my dad, and even though I only heard these three words, 'Bella,' 'Flush', and 'Scared,' a blush started creeping up on me. Charlie was probably telling the story of how I used to flush the toilet then run away because of the noise. What? I was three. Plus it sounded sort of like a storm or something... Guh! Well, at least it wasn't Renée. She'd have WAY more embarrassing stories to tell. I was out of it for a while, as I remembered certain facts about my scatter brained mother, and some of my child hood memories.

"We're here!" Alice's voice suddenly called out. Good. If I had to be stuck inside of Emmett's huge jeep with my dad for a minute longer, I was going to explode, literally.

Once Edward had bought and paid for the tickets—not to mention, dazzling the thirty-ish year old lady who was selling them—we entered the park. I could hear various animal noises, as well as the excited cries of small children, and their parents shushing them. It was about nine o' clock in the morning, and I was hoping for the clouds to lift so that there would be a nice day, though at the same time, I didn't want the Cullens to start sparkling...

"Where should we go first?" Jasper spoke up for the first time that day. I had a feeling he was trying to make a good impression with Charlie or something, which I didn't really see the point of.

"Hey, let's go see the lions!" Emmett said, and then laughed. "Eddie, you better have hunted before we came here." Somehow, he made that sound like the 'Bella, you better have gone to the bathroom before we came' line that Renée had always used on me.

"Alright then, let's go!" Charlie said cheerfully. A bit too cheerful... hmm...

As we approached the vast amount of land which was supposed to look like an African safari housing the lions, I heard a roar. At first, thinking it was the lions; I rushed up to them to see. But all I saw were a couple of lions sleeping at the bottom of a small hill, under a shaded tree. Looking around, I saw that it was Emmett. He had been the one roaring. Well, now he was laughing at my reaction. I would've slapped him if that didn't guarantee me a bruise. Granted, he was rather talented at lion imitations, but nevertheless, it was quite annoying.

Next we went to see the bears (which again, Emmett was very excited to see), the tigers (which Alice claimed were 'so cute!' though I just thought that they looked vicious), the cheetahs, the rhinos and elephants, and as we neared noon, we drew near to the Reptile House. I saw hundreds of different species of snakes, lizards, and even a crocodile at some point. There were also lots of fish, and the whole place was very dark. It must be nearing the eighties outside—a very rare nice day, which I appreciated, though it meant the Cullens had to stay in the shadows. It was getting hot in this air conditioned room, even with four vampires beside me.

As we came out of the reptile house, Edward reminded me of my stomach. As it turns out, I was hungry. And so was Charlie, so we stopped at a pizza place a few yards from the reptile house. I ordered a slice of pepperoni, and laughed at Edward's expression as I ate the pizza. He looked absolutely disgusted, which is what I had been aiming for. There were a couple of seagulls eyeing my pizza crust, and I glared back at them. Emmett found this exchange to be quite amusing, and I stuck out my tongue at him... yeah, very mature, I know.. Twenty minutes later, we were up and at 'em again.

We saw the ostriches, as well as a couple of tropical looking birds, and it was around three o' clock by the time we got to the kangaroos. I should've known that this would not go well, especially with our resident four-year-old in a (big) twenty-year-old's body, Emmett. The two kangaroos' were having what looked like a kick boxing competition, and Emmett of course, wanted to join them.

"Hey dudes!" he yelled, jumping right into the caged area.

The kangaroos each jumped back about five feet, and started hopping away quicker than I would've thought possible. Emmett, of course didn't get that the kangaroos didn't want to wrestle him, and chased after them.

"Hey! Come back here, man! Yeah you're just too chicken to face THE EMMETT CULLEN!! Yeah baby!" he cried at them. One of the kangaroos turned around, appearing to be angered by Emmett's display of macho-ism. I should've stopped him there, but what could I do?

It charged at Emmett, and he lost his balance momentarily. Crashing into a large pine tree, he brought the whole tree down on himself. CR-AACK!! Whoa. He hopped back up onto his feet quickly, and scowled at the kangaroo. By now, we had attracted quite an audience—mostly little kids wanting to see 'the big man fight the kan-a-ooh'.

"Emmett, stop!" Alice said, jumping up and down to see over the sea of heads.

"Oh, you're gonna get it now, Mr. Kangaroo!" Emmett said, lunging at it.

The crowd was silenced when he bit the kangaroo in the butt. Of course, he had enough sense not to actually make it bleed, but not much more than that. Charlie, who had been in the bathroom, came charging out at the commotion he heard. He was still fastening his pants when he came up to the cage.

"Emmett?" he asked, surprised. I guess he expected it to be some type of burglar or something, though who would steal a kangaroo I don't know.

"Uh, yeah Chief?" Emmett asked with a sheepish expression, loosening his hold on the kangaroo's butt.

"Let go of the kangaroo slowly..." he said, humoring Emmett.

Of course, Emmett didn't let go. "No way, dudes! I'm about to finish this guy!"

At that point, both Edward and Jasper practically flew into the cage to stop Emmett from killing the kangaroo. The audience was stunned. They never actually saw the two of them move, and suddenly there were three men in cage, one biting a kangaroo's backside. I could just imagine how this looked like for them. Charlie had somehow gotten hold of a gun, and was waving it madly in the air, shouting, 'No, Emmett, no!" Alice was looking dazed, though I knew she was probably having a vision. Edward and Jasper were each holding one of Emmett's arms back and were pulling him back from the poor kangaroo, which was probably traumatized by now.

Then, this had to be the moment that one of the zoo staff showed up. He was wearing one of those bright orange vests that stuck out in any occasion. He had a bullhorn in his hand, and was angrily shouting at 'you people in there with the kangaroos'. Charlie rushed over to explain, and I just sat there. One minute we were just watching the kangaroos, and the next, we were getting arrested for 'animal cruelty'. I mean, what?! And Emmett was no help either. He was still jumping up and down in joy of 'defeating that damn rodent.' **(Is a kangaroo a rodent? It kinda looks like one. Correct me if I'm wrong, though, please)**

Well. All I can say is wow. I learned two lessons today. One, there is never an ordinary day when you spend it with the Cullens. Two, never, ever take Emmett to the zoo.

**Ending Author's Note: how was that? I know this chapter was shorter than usual, well, actually, it was incredibly short, even after the edit. Sorry about that! I hope you enjoyed that though. Imagine Emmett and a kangaroo wrestling... it makes me laugh, lol. Yeah. Please review!! :)**

**-MoonsilverTwilight**


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